


I left my heart at sea

by ClockworkDragon



Series: Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Depression, M/M, Not Eating, Prince!Neil, abuse mention, but not really, death mention, more like naval mercenary au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 09:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19104193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkDragon/pseuds/ClockworkDragon
Summary: Neil Josten has spent the last two months on a mercenary ship. David Wymack and his crew had been hired by Neil's uncle to quietly transport him from the Colombia Fort back the Capital. They are to arrive in port tomorrow as expected. What is unexpected is the fact that Neil has found a home aboard the Seafox, and saying goodbye to the foxes--to Andrew--is tearing his heart in two.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @idnis asked: 130, andriel please :D
> 
> 130: "you can't kiss me like that and expect me to forget you"

Neil found Andrew in the crow’s nest, wrapped in a thin blanket and smoking one of his fancy imported cigars. For a moment, Neil hesitated. He’d sat with Andrew up here for many nights as they sailed across the seas and they’d shared the smoke of Andrew’s cigar as secrets were traded between them. Eventually, it had become their spot, the place the rest of the crew checked first when Andrew and Neil hadn’t been seen for hours. 

Neil shouldn’t be nervous to join Andrew.

But tomorrow their voyage would be over, and the past two months of growing companionship between them will have amounted to nothing more than a handful of memories and a bitter farewell. Truthfully, Neil was afraid. He was afraid of what Andrew might say to him tonight. He was afraid of being unable to give Andrew his last secret, the one that had begun blooming in his chest since he first stepped foot on the  _ Seafox.  _ But his biggest fear was that he would arrive at port tomorrow, watch Andrew sail away, and never feel like this again.

Neil wasn’t entirely sure what ‘this’ even was, but whenever he was near Andrew, he felt settled. Like a ship that found the eye of a storm.

“How long are you going to hang there?” Andrew’s voice was scratchy, and as Neil finally pulled himself into the nest, he noticed the pile of cigar stubs at Andrew’s feet. Neil wondered if the chain smoking was because of him. He took his place next to Andrew, but made no effort to start a conversation. He had no idea what he might say if he opened his mouth.

“Nothing to say?” Andrew drawled, “That’s a first.”

Apparently tonight wasn’t one for long stretches of loaded silence. Fine, then.

“What do you want me to say? Everything that matters between us, you don’t want to talk about,” Neil said stiffly.

“There is no ‘us’.”

Neil expected the response, but it still felt like Andrew had punched him. It hurt because it was the truth. Right now they were just Andrew and Neil, two pieces of driftwood brought together temporarily by the same currents that will tear them apart. Did that make it wrong for Neil to want more?

“There could be. An ‘us’,” Neil whispered. “Would you stop me if I tried to stay?”

Andrew looked at him for an eternity.

“You won’t stay,” he sighed. “Your life isn’t your own, and I’m all too familiar with your martyr complex.”

Anger, bright and hot rushed through Neil. He knew better than anyone that he had a duty; to his uncle, his country. Never to himself. His entire life he had suffered the will of others, first his father, now his uncle, though the latter was nowhere near as horrible. Even so, as a prince, he was expected to serve his people, and joining a naval mercenary crew was certainly not an action of servitude.

Even so, throughout his twenty years Neil had never once fought for something he wanted. And gods, he’d never wanted anything as much as he wanted Andrew.

“I would fight for you,” Neil said desperately. “Andrew don’t you see? The people I live with are my blood, but they feel like strangers to me. Here, with the foxes, with you, I finally know the meaning of the word family.”

The expression of indifference Andrew wore finally began to crumble. Neil could see Andrew struggle to remain detached, but Neil’s words were having an affect. He pushed on, hoping that Andrew would believe in his determination.

“We could turn the ship around and never look back. We could go anywhere, leave our pasts behind us. I’d do it easily.”

Hope swelled in Neil’s chest as Andrews eyes turned distant. He could see Andrew imagine a future where the two of them never say goodbye. He could see that Andrew wanted it too. 

But then Andrew’s expression shuttered again, and the terrible blankness returned.

Neil knew he’d failed.

“I thought you were done with running away.” Andrew flicked his cigar to the ground and pressed it to the old wood with his boot. “Do you want to live the rest of your life dodging every Hatford ship that appears on the horizon? Do you want to be stuck onboard when the rest of the crew makes land? You are a prince, and your nation will never stop searching for you. And do you know who they’ll blame if you don’t show up tomorrow? That’s right, the mercenaries hired to bring you there. And when they catch us, we’ll hang, no matter what bullshit you try to spin, because you are royalty and nothing is ever your fault.”

Each word weighed down on Neil until he felt like he carried the moon. He could already feel the guilt eat at his core for even coming up with such a reckless plan. He was being selfish. 

“You can’t keep being Neil when Prince Nathaniel still exists,” Andrew finished quietly.

Neil was hollow, carved out and empty. He was a fool for thinking that he could end up happy. No wish had ever come true for him, no dream realized. It was time he stopped expecting otherwise. 

“Neil, look at me.”

The effort it took to meet Andrew’s waiting gaze was immeasurable. Slowly, Andrew reached for him, gently cupped his face when Neil didn’t pull away. For a second, Neil thought he saw regret flash across hazel eyes, but that was impossible, because Andrew didn’t regret anything.

“You need to forget about me,” Andrew began. Neil made a choked sound, because he never knew Andrew could be so cruel. 

“No.”

“Neil, you’re falling apart.”

It was agonizing. He already had to give Andrew up, forgetting about him was madness.

“I don’t care. You can’t ask that of me. It's unfair.”

“You’ll hurt whenever you remember,” Andrew said. Neil wondered if Andrew would feel the same way. Neil leaned forward, needing to be close for as long as they had left. He didn’t want to waste that precious time arguing.

“Kiss me.”

Andrew froze, caught completely off guard. Neil was surprised too. They had only kissed once before, and that was over a week ago. Neil suspected that Andrew hadn’t meant to do it at the time. But now, Andrew’s pupils grew wide, and his fingers gripped Neil’s jaw like Andrew was afraid Neil would pull away. Neil didn’t think he’d move away even if Andrew was a sinking weight and they were drowning.

“You’re a pest,” Andrew growled. Neil’s smart retort was cut off by the crush of Andrews lips against his.

It was nothing like their first kiss. That had been brief, a soft touch gone before Neil even realized it was there. It was impossible to miss the way Andrew kissed him now. His lips were hot, and they moved constantly; from his mouth, to his nose, over his cheeks, then to his mouth again. Neil gasped and Andrew shivered, as if Neil’s breath was the wind and Andrew was a bone white sail caught up in the gale. Neil couldn’t focus through all of the sensations. He tried to match the way Andrew moved his tongue, but got distracted by the taste of him. He was smoke and salt and desperation. Neil tried to breathe, but Andrew’s hand pulled at his hair and his breath got caught in his lungs.

Neil knew then that no matter what Andrew said, or what logic he used to justify their separation tomorrow, Andrew wanted Neil to stay. Neil could feel it in the way Andrew pulled their bodies together. He heard it every time Andrew groaned into his mouth.

Neil wondered where he would find the strength to leave all this behind.

When they finally pulled apart, Neil said “You can’t kiss me like that and expect me to forget you.”

Andrew brushed his thumb under Neil’s eye and it was then that Neil felt the tears. Andrew kissed them away gently and held Neil for the rest of the night. 

When dawn broke, and they could see land on the horizon, Andrew’s hands left him.

Neil had never hated the sun more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Follow my main tumblr to keep up with when I open prompts :)  
> main: c-dragon-pirates.tumblr  
> aftg: thefoxycourt.tumblr  
> art: c-dragon-art.tumblr


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anon asked: 105 or 114 for Andreil the prompt page? I’d love a happy ending to that angst that made me cry if you’re up for it😭😩
> 
> 105: “We were supposed to have time. I can’t do it…I can’t…I can’t say goodbye"

Neil stood facing the floor length windows that lined one of the Great Halls of the castle. This particular hall was on the east side, which offered a view of the distant sea. Neil had been spending an awful amount of time staring at the blue-grey waters, searching for a ship he knew had sailed away weeks ago. 

Leaving the crew of the  _ Seafox _ had nearly broken him. He’d only known them a few months, but they had carved a place for him as if he’d always belonged. Saying goodbye was more painful than any wound his father had ever inflicted upon him. Neil supposed it was true what all the bards said in their poems: a broken heart truly was the most painful of injuries.

Neil wondered if the foxes were hurting as much as he was, or if they’d already forgotten him.

“I thought I’d find you here,” a voice said from behind him.

Neil turned to face his uncle and inclined his head in a respectful greeting. King Stuart was a middle aged man with wise eyes and a serious disposition. He was Mary Hatford’s younger brother, and the man who Neil helped to usurp the tyrannical king, Nathan Wesninski. The battle had been gruesome, and Neil had nearly not survived. But they had won in the end, and the kingdom had been returned to the rightful Hatford bloodline. Neil had spent the last year at his uncle’s side, working to heal the broken country his father had ruined. It was his duty.

“Do you have need of me, your Highness?” Neil asked.

“Quit it with the formal speech, it doesn’t suit you,” Stuart grumbled as he turned his gaze to the window. They watched the sea in silence for a moment. “You miss them? You’ve been distracted lately.”

Neil tensed. He was not supposed to have feelings for a bunch of mercenaries, and he definitely wasn’t supposed to allow them to affect his work.

“I apologize if I’ve neglected my duties recently. It will not continue to happen.”

“Dammit, Neil, I don’t care about your duties. I’m worried about you,” Stuart said. “Ever since your return, you’ve been like a shadow. You never smile, you disappear for hours, and you don’t eat or go on runs like you used to. Even the servants are concerned.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, ‘oh’. So tell me what this is really about. An cut the horse shit.”

Neil bit his lip. Stuart was one of the few people Neil actually trusted. He’d saved Neil, given him a chance at a better life. He owed him so much, and Neil didn’t want to betray Stuart with his feelings of longing. Neil was so ungrateful.

And yet.

Neil felt the urge rising within him, to talk to someone about everything. He wanted advice, comfort, anything that could help ease the suffering he was enduring. He didn’t want to feel so alone anymore.

All at once, the story of his time on the  _ Seafox  _ fell from his lips. He told his uncle about the friendships he’d made, about the freedom he’d felt while sailing. He confessed that he had never felt so like himself, had never felt as seen, as when he was aboard that ship. 

“I’m so sorry, Uncle Stuart,” Neil said, his voice wobbling with the effort to remain composed. “You’ve done so much for me, but this place has never felt like home. The time I spent with them...fuck, it wasn’t enough. I can’t do it―I can’t forget them. I can’t say goodbye.”

Neil choked back tears. He hunched over and put his face in his hands, body shaking with his silent sobbing. Oh god, it was all too much. The grief, loneliness and immeasurable longing was tearing him apart.

“You stupid kid,” Stuart muttered. Neil felt hands on his shoulders, and in an instant he was pulled against his uncle’s chest in a tight embrace. “You’re just like your mother, stubborn as an ox. Listen to me boy, I don’t care about what you think you owe me, or this country. You’ve done enough for others. You’ve survived so much horror, stop being a martyr and be selfish for once.”

Neil pulled back to look at Stuart. His uncle’s gaze was wise and determined and sad.

“But I’m a prince, your heir. I can’t just run away! I have a duty―”

“Not anymore.”

“I―what?”

“Haven’t you heard?” Stuart grinned, “the queen is pregnant. You’re officially second in line for the throne. Completely expendable.”

Neil floundered for something to say. “I―you―how far along?”

“She’s due in a couple months,” he said proudly. 

“Congratulations,” Neil stuttered out.

“My point is, the fate of this kingdom does not rest on your shoulders alone. It was fine before you came along, and it will survive without you. Give the rest of us some credit here.”

“What are you saying?” Neil felt a tiny flame of hope ignite within his chest.

“I’m saying, I didn’t save you from your father just to imprison you in another cage. I’ve always known you were unhappy here, but you make it hard for people to put your happiness first. I’m relieved you finally found something to give you that happiness. You’re free, kid, you have been for a while now.”

Neil could hardly believe this was happening. Could he actually leave? Did he have the right to go?

“But my father…”

“The sins of that bastard are not yours to atone for.” 

Andrew had told him something similar, once.

Neil laughed softly.

“Sorry it took so long for me to see that,” he said. “Thank you, Uncle Start.”

Stuart huffed. “Alright, enough talk. Let’s go plan your unexpected and terribly tragic death.”

************

Andrew got the news three months after he had said goodbye to Neil. The Crown Prince Nathaniel Abram Hatford Wesninski was dead. Apparently he had been on a hunting excursion when he had been attacked by wild boar. The horses had startled and ended up running blindly over a cliff. The Prince, along with his faithful servant Jean Moreau, had fallen to their deaths. The funeral had been a grand affair, and Neil was being remembered as a liberator and hero for his role in overthrowing his father. He was beloved by many.

Andrew stared at Wymack as he finished reading from the official royal statement. He heard Matt, Dan and Nicky begin to cry, registered the fact that Renee was trying to speak to him. He ignored it all, choosing instead to let that familiar emptiness consume him.

Fuck Neil for dying the most idiotic death imaginable. 

Andrew turned away from his mourning crew, he didn’t want to be part of their group hugs and their loud weeping. He went to the crow’s nest.

The wind was cold, but its harsh bite helped to distract him. He lit a cigar and placed it between his lips.

Then lit another and held it up to the sky and let it burn down on its own.

Fuck Neil for leaving.

Fuck him for making Andrew feel something for him.

Fuck Neil for dying when he told Andrew so many times to live.

*************

One week later, a ghost showed up on deck. They were docked on some trading island Andrew didn’t care to explore. He’d told Renee to buy him more cigs, and shooed her away when she tried to convince him to leave the ship.

She didn’t come back with cigars.

Renee, Matt, and Allison were standing by the boarding plank, and they were not alone. Andrew did not believe in ghosts, but there was no other explanation as to why there was a dead man aboard the ship. Maybe he had finally gone insane.

“Holy shit, Neil?!” Dan exclaimed from behind Andrew.

Ok, maybe not.

Andrew watched his fellow foxes swarm the person that looked like Neil. They shouted and hugged him and patted his head. They welcomed him back like he’d been off on a long trip and not like he was recently dead. Neil put up with their fawning with a shy grin on his face. 

Until he spotted Andrew.

His smile fell away, and all at once he became uncertain. The others noticed the change, and became subdued and quiet.

“Hello,” Neil greeted softly. His voice was just as Andrew remembered it, like the crack of a match set aflame. Andrew wanted to strangle him. He wanted to kiss him.

“You died,” Andrew deadpanned. It was a question and an accusation. It was Andrew asking him how he was here. It was Andrew telling him how much it hurt when he thought Neil was gone.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t think of another way. Faking my death was the only plan I could think of to leave Prince Nathaniel behind.”

“And who are you now?”

“Neil. Just Neil. Not a prince, not the son of the Butcher, not a man bound by duty. I’m here to stay, if you’ll have me.”

Andrew beckoned Neil to him with a flick of his wrist and Neil came to him like sailor to a siren. When he was only a foot away, Andrew grabbed his neck and pulled him close so that they were forehead to forehead and all he could see was the blue of Neil’s eyes.

“You are a fox.”

The words made Neil come to life. The uncertainty was gone, replaced by belonging. He smiled so wide that Andrew’s cheeks hurt just by looking at him. The rest of the foxes, who had remained tense and silent during the whole exchange, swept Neil up once again. Andrew let him go, but kept his eyes on Neil the entire time he was affectionately manhandled. 

Wymack eventually broke up the party, claiming that Neil had just came back from the dead, and that they didn’t want to send him back by smothering him.

Despite his words, Wymack clapped a hand on Neil’s shoulder, and Andrew could see he was just as relieved as everyone else.

“Welcome home, kid,” he said.

Neil caught Andrew’s eye, and Andrew was finally home too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> main: c-dragon-pirates.tumblr  
> aftg: thefoxycourt.tumblr  
> art: c-dragon-art.tumblr


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